Late into the festivities, the FOB sidled up to the bar, clasped his hand on his buddy's shoulder, and made this boozily earnest confession:
"I gotta lay off the Kendall-Jackson."
It was the best thing I had ever heard. I immediately vowed that when I write that script for an independent film, that line would be in there somewhere. I tried not to be obvious about my laughter, so I ended up snarfing my drink, which was a white wine spritzer, and it stung. (A side note: For dressier occasions that require heels and/or spanx, I go with spritzers. They keep me hydrated, and in the very likely event that I spill something on myself, they don't stain.)
"I gotta lay off the Kendall-Jackson" was a line oft-repeated in the ensuing years. I don't know why I found it so funny. It's like hearing someone say, "I'm so tired. I was up all night watching Matlock." Or, "Geez, will you turn down the Kenny G? People are trying to relax around here." Kendall-Jackson is not the sort to lead you astray. You're not going to go heavy on Kendall-Jackson and wake up in the neighbor's swimming pool on a turtle float. Even I'm too cool for K-J, I thought.
Fast forward to a year ago, when, through some cosmic alignment of stars and planets, my husband and I were off from work before our kids got home from school. We decided to celebrate our 20 minutes of free time with a drink at a local restaurant.
I ordered a glass of Chardonnay. It was perfectly chilled, crisp, citrusy, and smooth. Maybe I was giddy from the quiet, or maybe it was the wine. But it was lovely. I had to ask, "What wine is this?"
Kendall-Jackson? Kendall-Jackson? How could this be? It's so...so...mainstream! And popular! And I didn't discover it myself! I was appalled, and my husband was laughing his ass off. How could I be so square?
It turns out I am square, because I dig the Kendall-Jackson Chardonnay. (I'm square for many other reasons as well.) It's got a clean taste; not too sweet, not too oaky. A little lemony. Nice enough to pair with nothing. I'm square. So there.
But too bad I don't actually know the bride or her father, because we could totally hang.